‘love you long time’

and its been a very very long time..

since my last entry (god knows when) ive been through another badly chosen relationship which include abuse of every kind (and here i thought K was bad.. but no.. apparently i could do worse). worked my up the ladder at work, fell back down again, saw a psych (that looked remarkably like Barbie), who referred me to clinical psych… so yeh.. a lot..

me being me.. im in another relationship.. i know what youre thinking.. ‘relationship junkie’. but i shit you not.. i dont go looking.. im just found and when i am i cant say no because, who knows? this one could very well be THE ONE.. and you know what? i’ll say it again as ive said it before.. W is the closest thing to THE ONE yet..

{ as shitty a time as i am having, just thinking, writing, voicing that out just made me smile }

a lot of what i believed in, mostly about people at work needs to be re-evaulated and thats putting it midly. as hardcore hardass as i seem on the outside, i really am just putty in the inside and when i give someone my trust and loyalty – i do give it wholeheartedly. just so happens that i give it too easily and without thought to myself.

maybe this is something i should change. i really should be more discerning.

never rains..

it freakin pours.. as i was venting to my newly found myspace buddy, i swear i must have seriously screwed someone over in my previous life cos it feels like karma has both its legs permanently up my ass… ive been going through a semi love life drought and the only interest was D who was being a complete prick.. ive told him to f-off heaps of times but he just keeps coming.. hopefully the last time was the last time.. i invested a lot of time and effort to befriend this girl who turned out to be two faced, i spent my birthday trying to choose between two guys i met on the night, both fell through, and now im being inundated with emails from guys.. WTF!!

to top it all off ive been offered a permanent part time position at work, where ive been a casual for the last 2 years..

now figure that shit out!!

its been about 3 days since i last had any solid sleep and im about to pass out.. right now i just cant deal..

“nice”

i was reminiscing about the days when k and i first started going out.

a: remember when you did that and this.. and you were so sweet. 

k: yeh cos i thought you were great!

a: i still am!

its occurred to me that hes lost sight of who i am, if he ever really knew.

im the kind of person who make friends easily. inspire loyalty and will be loyal.

the kind of person who wont hesitate to make a fool of of themselves in order to make someone smile.

the kind of person who always have time to listen to anyone.

…. but cross me and ill write you off..

i guess he sees me in another light because i am always wanting to talk about our many issues… it doesnt mean im not nice.. even then i am still the nicest person i can be for him.. it just hurts that he cant see that..